38w6d: might be game time, folks!

I'm going to attempt a shower, then call my doc.

32w3d: a rare pic of me with the hubster!

I am due for a belly pic, as well. I need to get on that!

28w6d: summer's over.... we're back in business!

19w3d: exhausted with a side of "a reveal cake"!!!

Pumpkin is a BOY!!!!!!

13w4d: NT scan last Friday and a clear sono pic with a human-looking baby!!!

It's amazing how much of a difference 3 weeks make. When I had my 10w sono, Pumpkin still looked like a little blob of a gummy bear. However, at my NT scan last week, I could see full facial features. Pumpkin was being so adorable, too... opening and closing his/her (although I'm leaning towards his) mouth and moving all over the place. I still don't have much of a bump, but Pumpkin is super busy in there!

I bought a doppler a couple of weeks ago. I was a little bit bummed that I hadn't heard the heartbeat - even though I was having appointments and everything was fine. Well, Dh and I FINALLY heard a solid heartbeat yesterday. I listened again this morning. It's the best thing. I'll take a recording and try to post it here.

Other than that, one more final tomorrow. I am taking a much-needed study break. I am about to lose my mind!

To anyone experiencing infertility, miscarriage or infant loss... you are in my thoughts!

12w6d: NT scan tomorrow and I am so not ready...

Sorry for being MIA - law exams. I have not done anything outside of eating, sleeping and studying... that includes keeping up with my blog... and apparently doing the pre-screening for the NT scan. I was supposed to prick my finger at home (um, no) and mail it in a week before my appointment (absolutely didn't happen). The appointment is tomorrow... the prick kit is on my bed. *sigh*
I can't be the only pregnant woman to have done this... lol.

11w3d: The book give-away winner!!!

And the winner is....

Krystal Knobloch

Krystal, you've got one week to claim your prize!!! Leave a comment on this post and I will tell you how to reach me :)

Congratulations!!!!

10w2d:What a week!

 

The picture of Pumpkin, above, is the one I got yesterday at my OB appointment, but I have a lot of back-tracking to do... this has been quite a week. I missed half of my classes (thank goodness there's only one more week of school left...)

Wed: 9w5d - I met with the new OB (let's call them Dr. Posh) from the practice that only delivers at my dream hospital. My dream hospital is like the taj mahal of birthing options. HOWEVER, this practice seems to cater to women who don't work. The appointments are all at arbitrary times of the day and are only Mon-Fri. Additionally, they don't do routine sonograms. If you need a sonogram, they send you to their "off-site sonographer" which is YET another appointment after which you have a follow-up with Dr. Posh. I mentioned my discomfort with not being "monitored" and Dr. P let me know that I could schedule an appointment for a sono on Monday if I wanted. So, I've taken a day off from work to go and have a sono. Somehow, I don't think this is going to work. Dr. P was VERY thorough and knew her stuff through and through. I told her about my history and my sister's history. I handed her the letter from New Hope. We chatted for a good 30 minutes and I left feeling like I had hit the jackpot, but without the sono to assuage my never-ending fears! She took about 12 vials of blood, performed an internal exam, then sent me on my way.

Thu: 9w6d - Work was stressful. That's nothing new. While I was on a TWO HOUR call with one of our offshore teams, I started to get crampy. I was starving at that point, so I didn't think anything of it. When the meeting was finally over, I rushed to the bathroom to relieve myself. When I wiped, I noticed a little bit of pinkish brown on the TP. NOOOOOOOO.... Every crazy thought imaginable went through my head. I was still crampy. Naturally, I hit the interwebs to find out of anyone else out of the 7B people on earth had ever been through this. I found solidarity in a November 2013 birth club I belong to. One of the women said that she'd had an internal exam, as well, and saw a little bit of blood afterwards. The cramping was persistent, so I decided to skip school. I went home, kicked my feet up and went to bed at some ridiculous hour - even before my 9 year old did. 

Fri: 10w0d - At this point, I realized that when I booked my appointment with Dr. P, I'd forgotten to cancel my appointment with my old OB - the one who delivered DD, but is only affiliated with a hospital I refuse to ever set foot in again (or so I thought). We'll call him Dr. TnT for tried and true! I was still cramping on Friday, but hadn't wiped any blood since early that morning. Either way, a trip to Dr. TnT couldn't hurt!

Sat: 10w1d - DH, DD and I head out to Dr. TnT first thing in the morning. I couldn't wait to see Pumpkin on the monitor. I made DH and DD wait outside until we verified everything was okay. And it was! DD loved seeing Pumpkin bounce all over the screen - oh, how much of a difference a week makes! Pumpkin was definitely larger, even though Dr. TnT did not date me. I was so relieved that everything was going well. So, at the end of the appointment, Dr. TnT was telling me about the changes that have happened since I was last there (for this purpose) NINE years ago. They deliver at a new hospital (cue the cherubs signing!!) because they got a lot of complaints from the old hospital. The other change was the NT scan that most docs do in the first trimester. So, Dr. TnT sent me on my way with my welcome packet of prenatals and a referral for the NT scan. Dr. TnT also told me to make an appointment for four weeks out (ON A SATURDAY) to meet with him again. As much as I love the Posh doctors, I don't think it'll make sense to go to them. So, I think I'm gonna stick it out with Dr. TnT. All's well that ends well! I've attached the pic of Pumpkin from yesterday. He/She is looking down. You can see the head (takes after DH). Now I'm off to catch up on everything else... including this book give-away!

9w4d: make room for baby

 

It may be a bit early, but since our schedules tend to be on the jam-packed side, Dh is trying to make room for Pumpkin early. We have 3 bedrooms, so what used to serve as an office will now be Pumpkin's nursery. 

In our house, we have 9 bookshelves (maybe more, actually). In addition to the 9 bookshelves, we have a closet in the office that has been doubling as a book nook. We love books, but we can't have the books overpowering the humans. 

Dh and I went through an exercise this morning and started to purge some of the books. This is not even the tip of the iceburg. I couldn't get everything in the view of the camera, but there are books to the left that are being donated. The books toward the lower part of the picture are being "sold" and the books at the top are a mixture of keep/shred.

Please ignore the boot/sneaker mix in the middle of the pile. Where the three bookshelves are on the left used to hold our shoe rack and Dh thought it a good idea to just throw the shoes in the pile. 

I do not have a decorating bone in my body, hence my fling with pinterest earlier this year. We'll see how it all goes. Wish us luck, folks! 

9w3d: A book give-away

When I first found out I had POF, I went straight to the internet. I reckon I probably just typed in "POF: what now?" or something of the sort. I found a number of blogs (ok, maybe 2) and message boards. On one of the message boards, that was specifically for PCOS, not POF, I met another woman who responded to my post there and said she had POF, as well.

She recommended Julia Indichova's book, Inconceivable. I was willing to try everything. My husband doesn't believe that I read the book in 2 hours flat. I was that enthralled. I was at the beginning of y diagnosis and would have tried ANYTHING.

I cut meat out of my diet right away (and that only lasted two weeks). I stopped drinking coffee - instead I had a green shake every morning. I even tried acupuncture. I did not try the yoga and I could not bring myself to try the wheatgrass. However, that cycle that I employed the techniques of Ms. Indichova was the cycle that I grew the cracked egg. Maybe it would have worked had I done it for longer.

 Ms. Indichova did manage to conceive. If my memory serves me correctly, her FSH was above 20 in the month she conceived naturally. I don't want to reveal too much of the story, so if reading is your thing, I definitely think you should read this book. If reading is not your thing, you should still read it. It's not a difficult read at all.

Either way, as a lover of books, I do believe they are for sharing. So, if anyone would like to win this book give-away, please leave a comment on this post and I will pick a winner I will have DD pick a winner (randomly).

Good luck!

9w2d: Look who's growing so nicely!

 

  When I had my appointment on Thursday, I could see a difference in the size of Pumpkin with my naked eye. I decided to put all three photos together for comparison. 

At 6w6d, measuring 7w0d, Pumpkin was 9.17mm.

At 7w6d, measuring 8w0d, Pumpkin was 16.07mm.

At 8w6d, measuring 9w1d, Pumpkin was 24.15mm.

I know I can't be the only person fascinated by the growth of a human embryo. I keep telling dh that it's so interesting that Pumpkin knows "what to do". 

Apologies about the book and the cd in the picture. I had to flatten out these sono pics, somehow.

9w1d: Graduation from RE - pomp & circumstance

 

 I've never met a graduation I didn't love. While some people loathe the speeches, the endless sitting in an inappropriate venue sweating at the brow, the seemingly never-ending stream of people you don't know only to realize your graduate is coming through the other entrance... the one waaay on the other side of the room. Yeah, I get it. However, I have always loved graduations. Furthermore, I have always loved MY graduations. Maybe that explains why I enrolled in law school at the ripe old age of 30-cough-something, despite already having an advanced degree. I get one more shot at a graduation...

However, Thursday's graduation was of a different variety. Pumpkin (measuring 9w1d on Thursday) graduated from New Hope Fertility Center. It was bittersweet. I paid my final bill - but got another one in the mail this morning that doesn't match, so more on that later. I got another fuzzy sonogram picture (gotta love the blob). I got a letter to take to my new OB - I get to meet her on Wednesday, and I can't wait! I got a cd of "powerful music by Mozart", which is RIGHT up my alley. AND, in a weird twist of events, when I got back from my RE appointment, someone at work gave me back the copy of Inconceivable I had loaned her in the Fall (when she came to me crying about her high FSH levels). So, Thursday was a day of new beginnings, sans the junior band playing pomp and circumstance. 

This is such an exciting and important step. I am so happy to have made it here. I can definitely feel my mid-section expanding. I know my uterus is supposedly only the size of a grapefruit, but I am feeling quite pregnant, now - and nauseated... in case any one of the two readers of my blog wondered.

When I finished up with my sonogram there, I asked the nurse what happens after I have my baby: "will you guys call me? should I call you?" She looked at me with puzzlement and said "uh, we'll probably call you... or you can call us... whatever works." Hahaha... I'm sure they won't miss me one bit, but I'm kinda gonna miss those guys!

8w2d: this li'l guy is my new bff

The weekend cold and general crappy feeling is back. I broke out my little Vicks inhaler for some relief. I'm starting to think it's actually allergies - I must be allergic to rest. Either way, this steam treatment feels really good right about now. Sorry for being MIA, but I seriously don't have an ounce of energy to spare. I'll be around again, soon.

I had another sonogram on Thursday. Baby measured 8w exactly, was positioned on the left side of my uterus and the HB was 155bps. I have my final appointment with the RE and then I graduate to my OB. I'll update you on that in a bit...

7w1d: Told DD the news...

8 year olds are so insightful. I thought she would drive me nuts but, surprisingly, she didn't! I wanted to wait until I was a bit further along, but she found the books I bought at Barnes & Noble. If you know anything about me, you know that the minute I have a life-changing event, I go to BnN and use it as my excuse to buy more books! Well, I bought her a sibling book and she sort of found it, so I saw no need to hold back.

She keeps referring to the baby as "she". I thought that was pretty interesting, so I inquired: Do you think the baby's a girl? She responded: "Well, if it's a girl, that would be AWESOME. But, a boy would be great, too. All I want is a baby who is healthy and alive. For aunty's baby, I asked for her to be healthy... and she was healthy, but she was not alive. So, now this time I have to make sure I say healthy AND alive."

Boy do I love this little girl. Here I was thinking she would be completely mortified if she got a brother. Not at all...

6w6d: heartbeat... you make me feel so sweet!

Had my first sono today! Pumpkin is measuring 7w0d and everything seems to be right on target. I didn't get a chance to ask the nurse how many bpms for Pumpkins heart. Dh was there at the beginning of the appointment, but missed the sono because NYC parking sucks and he had to move the car.
I have two more appointments at the fertility clinic, then they release me to my OB.

6w5d: who is the sweetest man on earth?

Dh is! Omigosh, I have had the wind knocked out of my sails, lately. I keep telling myself that it's general first trimester loveliness. I bought a new fantastic bra the other day and they make my tender breasts feel so much better. When I told dh about it, he asked why I hadn't bought more and I told him that bras are expensive! Well, I came home to find two more bras, a card and skittles. Skittles make the world a better place... so does dh. I love him!

6w1d: Had a final beta yesterday!

Yesterday I went in for my final beta. I can't say that I was looking forward to it. On Sunday, my beta was over 3,000 and I read somehwere (I'm always reading something somewhere) that you can see a sac once the beta gets above 1,000. I really didn't understand why they kept having me in.

Either way, I got the email yesterday at noon and my beta was over 10,000... no more betas! I plugged the betas into the beta calculator and the doubling times are good! Thank goodness. Like I said in my last post - I don't mind sonograms, but please don't take any more of my blood!

I have a sonogram on Thursday at 6w6d. The best news is that dh will be able to come because schools are out this week. We can't wait to meet you, Pumpkin!!!

Here's the mail from the clinic:

Estrogen 578
Progesterone 35
HCG 10,907

Instructions:
Please continue the medications as instructed
Please refrain from heavy lifting, running/jogging, and strenous activities

Your next appointment is scheduled for Thursday, 3/28/13, for your first
ultrasound. Please be advised no blood work is necessary anymore.

5w5d: A hormonal wreck

Maybe I can't blame the hormones. Maybe it's just me? All I know is that I cannot wait for Saturday, so that I can sleep in (FXd) and stay in bed all day long. I am really looking forward to that. I am tired, but beyond that, I am just so hormonal it's a shame. I don't really want to be in public nowadays. I joined a buddy board for expectant moms (Nov. 2013 version) and I seem to not be alone.

I wonder if I'll be able to resist the urge to compare everything with this pregnancy to my pregnancy with DD. With DD, I was a happy little camper. I felt energized (maybe not so much in the first trimester?) Right now, however, I am just feeling like sleeping and generally not being bothered by much. I guess we can chalk it up to the 10 year difference between pregnancies? Whatever it is, please get me a bed and let me at it!!!

zzzzz

On another note, aren't these the cutest things ever? Guess who's ordering them? Maybe not the exact same ones, but something similar...

5w2d: Appointment and another beta

Today I went into the city for another beta. I think after the last appointment, I wrote that my next appointment would include a sonogram. No such luck. Seems that I have to go back for only a beta on Friday.

You would think after all the pricking and prodding, I would be used to it by now. Well, I'm not. I can deal with all sorts of gadgets up my hoo-ha. I can deal with sonograms. But for some reason, I just can't stand the sight of skin being punctured. This is going to make for a long 8 months, eh? Actually, if Pumkin comes on time or early, I have less than 8 months left. That is celebration worthy!

I went to Home Goods with my sister - who needed to find a jewelry tray for her dresser. Of course, I walked out with an elephant stool for Pumpkin. Then, I went to gymboree to get dd a birthday shirt (I pretty much do it every year) and they had an outfit that was just screaming "buy me for Pumpkin", so I did. However, I don't plan to do much more shopping. I really need to focus on school and leave the shopping for summer break.

Anyway, here's the mail from the clinic...

Your blood results from today are as follows:

Estrogen 427
Progesterone 33
BHCG 3229

Based on these levels, it indicates that the pregnancy is progressing well.
Please continue taking all your medications and come back on 3/22/13 for
blood work.

The protocol that worked...

A number of you have asked me about what happened prior to my BFP. I've offered to give a play-by-play and decided that it was easier to do it here since I'm sure it will come up again.

First things first. Disclaimer: I am not a medical doctor. I am not offering medical advice. My results may or may not work for you. I am only offering up the protocol that worked for me. Please view it accordingly.

Appointment 1: Preliminary FSH reading (Dec. 17, 2012)

Blood test result today:

Estradiol (E2): 41

Follicle stimulating hormone (FSH): 35

As per MD, your FSH is elevated. MD recommends birth control pill to lower FSH in order for the follicles to grow.

Medication instructions:

Start/Continue with prenatal vitamins – one tablet everyday

Start birth control pill today, 12/17/12 – 2(two) tablets taken together from 12/17 to 12/23.

Next monitoring on 12/24/12 for blood only at 8am Columbus Circle.

Please email me back if you need me to call in script for birth control pills. Email me name of the pharmacy and telephone number.

Please let me know if you have any questions.

Note: between Dec. 24th and Jan 11th, I did not return, due to a family emergency. I was taking 1 tablet every other day during that time.

Appointment 2: Monitoring and Bloodwork (Jan 11, 2013)

Estrogen <Low
FSH 35

Instructions:
Please take birth control pills to help suppress the FSH level for a
dominant follicle to grow.

Increase birth control pills to 1 tablet every day from today to 1/21/13

Your next appointment is scheduled for 1/22/13 for blood work only.

Have a good day!

Note: I did not return on 1/22 because I had the flu. I continued to take the tablets and returned on 1/27.

Appointment 3: Monitoring and Bloodwork (Jan 27, 2013)- FSH is lower now, time to wean off of OCP

below are your blood results.

E2  31
FSH  4
LH  3
P4  0.2

Please reduce birth control pills 1 tablet every other day ( skip today,
take 1 tomorrow, every other day until 2/3) and return to the office on 2/4
only for blood work . If you have any questions, please feel free to
contact us.

 Appointment 4: Monitoring and Bloodwork (Feb 4, 2013) - FSH is elevated again on 1 tablet every other day
Your lab results from today are as follows:

Estrogen 42
FSH 25
LH 10
Progesterone <low

Please continue with the birth control pill 1 tab every other day until
2/7/13 and return to the clinic on 2/8/13 for blood work only.

Appointment 5: Monitoring and Bloodwork (Feb 8, 2013) - Snowstorm hits NYC, nurses say to stay on one every other day and come on the 11th

Please continue the pill every other day and return on Monday for blood
work, 2/11/13.

Appointment 6: Monitoring and Bloodwork (Feb 11, 2013) - FSH is still a bit elevated, but E2 levels indicate a follie may be growing

 I am writing with the results of your blood work today:

E2      62

FSH    21

LH      11

P4     0.1

The doctor has reviewed your chart and would like you to return for blood
work and sonogram on Thursday, February 14, 2013, any time between 7:00 am
and 1:30 pm. No medications at this time.

Appointment 7: Bloodwork and Sonogram ( (Feb 14, 2013) - Sonogram indicates there are two follies growing on the left ovary - 7mm and 4mm; no meds

FSH    21

Your FSH level is stable. You don't have to take any medications, simply
return to the office on Tuesday 2/19 for blood work and sonogram. If you
have any questions, please feel free to contact us.

Appointment 8: Sonogram (Feb 19, 2013) - Sonogram now shows one follie at 15.5mm

Appointment 9: Bloodwork and Sonogram (Feb 20, 2013) - Sonogram now shows one follie at 18mm 

Blood test result:

Estradiol (E2):277

Luteinizing hormone (LH):41

Progesterone (P4): 0.6

As per MD, your Egg Retrieval is confirmed for 2/22/13, Friday, at 8am/

Please return to office with your husband at 7:30am.
Anika, continue with Ibuprofen/Advil 600mg every 12 hours until tomorrow's
procedure.


And there you have it, folks! My doctor followed a natural IVF cycle protocol, using OCP to suppress my FSH levels and encourage a follicle to grow. Until egg retrieval, OCP were the only meds I took. 36 hours before my retrieval, I took a nasal spray. That was it. When I first embarked on my IVF journey, I thought I would have to give myself shots, but I didn't. This was minimally invasive!

5w1d: Cold from I don't know where or allergies?

I'm not sure I can call this thing a cold. It's really just sneezing fits accompanied by a headache... and it has overtaken me. It's a really good thing I was on spring break. I can not afford to feel this crappy whilst also having school. I am leaning to the side of allergies, though. It really feels like my seasonal allergies, although this is much earlier than I've ever had them.

Well, if it's a cold, that's bad because I can't take NyQuil - it just doesn't seem like the type of thing one would take while pregnant. So, I thought, I have my nasonex. That should give me some relief. That is, until I read this:

Nasonex and Pregnancy Category C

The U.S. Food and Drug Administration (FDA) uses a pregnancy category system to classify the possible risks to a fetus when a specific medicine is taken during pregnancy. Pregnancy Category C is given to medicines that have not been studied in pregnant humans, but do appear to cause harm to the fetus in animal studies. Also, medicines that have not been studied in any pregnant women or animals are automatically given a pregnancy Category C rating.

 

When given to pregnant mice, rats, and rabbits, mometasone increased the risk of birth defects, low fetal weight, and slow bone development. In these studies, mometasone was given as an injection just under the skin. It is not known if Nasonex (which is sprayed into the nose, not injected) will also cause similar problems.

 

However, it is important to note that animals do not always respond to medicines in the same way that humans do. Therefore, a pregnancy Category C medicine may be given to a pregnant woman if the healthcare provider believes that the benefits to the pregnant woman outweigh any possible risks to the unborn child.

Um, I'm going to pass on the Nasonex. This stuff is scary!!! I don't need to feel well that badly. I'll just be sat here sneezing like there's no tomorrow and going through a box of kleenex every half hour. No worries!

2nd Beta: 465

I went in this morning for my second beta. It wasn't a full 48 hours after my last appointment, but it was close enough. My beta two days ago was 244 and today, it was 465. I have a doubling time of 48.3 hours, which is in the acceptable range of 31-72 hours, so I'm happy.

Now, I don't have to go in multiple times a week; I can start going in weekly. My next appointment is next Sunday for another beta. After that appointment, the one afterward should include a sonogram.

Daylight saving time began today and it's always a lot harder to spring forward than it is to fall back. I am just taking it easy for the rest of the day because I know work this week will wear me out faster than I can say Friday.

Since I can't have any more wine, I had to find a new social drink. On Friday, I went to a pal's house and she had a really good sparkling cider. I grabbed two bottles of it today when I went on my grocery run! I have to pace myself because I'm totally the person who could drink a whole bottle in one sitting.

Anyway, nothing more to report... I haven't been doing much other than taking naps and generally being lazy.

OHHH... I did get a pinterest account. My stars is that thing confusing. It MADE me follow five random people before I could get an account. How do I make that stop? I don't want to follow five random people. I just picked 5 interesting looking ones, but now I'm getting all of their pins. I guess I have to play around with it a little bit.

12dp2dt: Confirmed a pregnancy

Obvious from the last post, I could not wait to POAS. Not only did I do it 9dpt, but I did it at 10 and 11, as well. I have labeled them by the date. The blue-dye ones do not keep well, at all. I promise my urine is not GOLD. You can't even see that they were positives, now.

 On the day before my OTD, I had some REALLY bad cramping and what I thought was spotting. It wasn't really... anyway, it was enough to freak me out, make me go home and miss school. I got home at 4:30, after leaving work early, and slept for FOUR hours, at which point I woke up to find messages galore from my law buddies - making me feel so loved. Yesterday morning, at 12dpt, I had my appointment and got the following mail from the clinic:

 This email is to inform you of your instructions: Estrogen 322 Progesterone 39 HCG 244 Please be advised that the pregnancy test was POSITIVE Instructions: Continue Estrogen and Progesterone supplementation at this time Refrain from heavy lifiting, jogging, and excessive exercise. Your next appointment is scheduled for 3/10/13 to confirm that the pregnancy level is increasing.

To say I'm over the moon is an understatement. We are calling this baby, Pumpkin. I haven't told anyone outside of here, my sister and one law friend... oh, and dh knows, too. LOL

9dp2dt: Dh wanted me to poas...

7dp2dt: smacked by an elephant...

That's how I feel. DH and I slept until a little bit after noon, which is unlike him. I have been known to catch an extra Z, or two, but this morning I just could not pull myself out of bed. Even now, after having just gotten up a mere 2.5 hours ago, I am yawning and feeling like I need a nap.

My "symptoms" have plateaued. I'm not feeling anything right now, actually. Breasts are still a little sore, but I'm still taking progesterone, so I'm not expecting anything different. I did feel a tiny bit of cramping today and I've gotten headaches for the past 3 days. I forgot to mention that on the past posts. Other than that and the tiredness (oh, and SNEEZING like a baboon!) I am not feeling anything.

So, I'm fighting myself with this whole POAS thing. Obviously the one yesterday was negative. It was way to early to test. But now, I'm wondering if I should POAS before my appointment on Friday so I'm not disappointed if it's a no. I figured if I know ahead of time, it won't be so bad finding out from the nurses.

I am REALLY hopeful for a positive. I love my clinic's "one good egg" policy because otherwise, I wouldn't have had the chance to be on this journey.

This week is a huge week for me. My firm is having communications on Wednesday - that's when they tell us how badly our bonuses are going to suck. This is also the last week of school before spring break. I.can.not.wait! I need a break.

Yesterday was moot court, which was the culmination of all of the brief writing I was doing last week. To say that I'm happy it's over is an understatement!

Anyway, that's it for now. Trying to keep my eyes open and read for this week.

Symptoms:
exhaustion
tender bbs
sneezing
cramping
headache

6dp2dt: Holy cramps, batman!!!

So, I skipped a post yesterday. I did it for a few reasons:
1) I'm the only person who reads my blog
2) The symptoms were pretty much the same and all caused by the progesterone and estradiol

When I got home, at a little after 7, I was wiped out! Seriously... felt like I couldn't move a limb if my life depended on it. DH was folding laundry and I was starving. I asked him if he would go to panera and get my fav and in exchange, I would finish folding the laundry. Bless wonderful husbands. He did it! Not more than 20 minutes after eating, I was completely knocked out - onion breath and all.

DH said he knew I was tired because I didn't do my hair before bed and that has only happened about 2x in my adult life!

I woke up this morning with pretty bad cramps. If today were an ordinary Saturday, I'd just stay in bed and read for next week, but I have oral arguments today. To top it off, there's usually a team of 2 doing the arguments and I decided to do it on my own, so I have to present both sides. This'll be fun. On a better note, the two guys I'm arguing "against" are two of the sweetest guys in the program and have been very collaborative and not at all treating me like the enemy. I cannot wait for 3pm today.

On to symptoms. First, I'll say that I POAS (peed on a stick/took a pregnancy test) for those of you not familiar with the lingo. I know I wouldn't be able to detect any HCG yet, so I was comfortable witht he BFN I inevitably got. I just didn't know how long it would have taken for the HCG trigger to be out of my system, so I wanted to test to see if it was. Anyway, 6 more days til my beta. I.can't.wait!

Symptoms:
medium-severe cramps: I used to be on naproxen for my cramps when I was a teen. I know bad cramps when I see them - progesterone?
heavy boobs, though remarkably not as heavy as mid-week - estradiol/progesterone
still weeing like a race horse - I might have to wear pull-ups for oral arguments! LOL

That's all, folks! Wish me luck with OA. When it's over, I'm going to do a backflip in my head!

4dp2dt: wish I could fast forward a week

I know I need to give embie time to get snuggled in and grow. I wish I could pull a sleeping beauty move and go to sleep until my appointment next Friday. I've never actually seen sleeping beauty - how sad is that.

I'm sat here in the law library. I want so badly to be in my bed, so this'll be short.

Symptoms:
Still heavy boobs - thanks meds
Still slight cramping, not as bad as yesterday
Still weeing like a racehorse
Bloating - like nobody's business

Again, all of this is because of the meds, but I still like to keep track. I have the memory of a goldfish and I want to be able to look back on all of this and have it make sense... or not.

3dp2dt: Long, rough day

When I woke up today, it was raining... I looked over at DH and said "this would be a good day to stay home."I was right. Rainy days are always good days to stay home.

So, after yesterday's fiasco with having to carry my 90lb bag (do you like how many times I've changed the weight of the bag??) I woke up with cramping. The left ovary was cramping, bu I also had a general cramping. At times it felt like period cramps and then at other times, it felt like the cramps you get after you drink a gallon of water, then run... okay, maybe I'm exaggerating, but you get my drift.

Either way, I have been using the bathroom every 10 minutes and I am so tired!

None of these are pregnancy symptoms, since it's only day 5dpo. They're just general "you need a day off" symptoms. So, I skipped school. I really hate skipping school... primarily because law school is so expensive, but secondly because it's so dense, so to miss a day is to miss a lot. However, I am listening to my body and I know I needed the rest.

On another note, implantation can happen any time between today and Friday. Fingers crossed in a big way. Stick li'l bean, stick!!!!

Symptoms:
bloating
cramping
sharp pain near ovaries
gas ~ sorry, tmi
heavy breasts, while not as sore

I'm pretty sure they're all related in some way to the meds... I just can't prove it!

P.s. My aunt asked my sister yesterday if I'm pregnant. I haven't told anyone IRL about this except a law friend, dh and my sister. My sister asked her why she thought that and my aunt said "I don't know, I just feel it". Then today, said aunt said she had a dream about triplets last night. Hopefully, she's right about the pregnancy. I DOUBT it would be triplets, but a singleton sure would be nice... take that, universe!!! Good vibes!

2dp2dt

Blah... today was a pretty craptastic day. I felt pulled in a million directions and there is absolutely no way to navigate the vast subway system without picking up my 70 lb. bag, somehow. I wonder how literal the doctor was being when he said not to carry anything > 5lbs. Did he mean not to even carry it down 5 steps? Because, honestly, it's rough.

I got to class 15 minutes late, partially because I had to use a different entrance to the school, the other part because I had to wait for the ONE student elevator in the law school and then because I encountered about 7 stairs that I had to go down to get to my classroom door. Once I got to the door, I realized that if I went to the back, I would have to carry the bag BACK UP another set of stairs. So, I stood outside of the classroom door listening for a pause, at which point I slipped into the front and sat in the first available seat.

In the back of my head, I know carrying a bag does not interfere with implantation, but I want this to work so badly, I am going to do whatever the doctor asks of me.

On a happier note, tomorrow is "implantation" day. I actually read today that it could be between days 5 and 7. I have been trying to stay away from the internet!

Symptoms:
The dull throbbing in the left ovary has changed to a constant throbbing with sharp pains
heavy breasts, again. For this reason, I am loving progesterone and estradiol. I've never had breasts before (outside of my last pregnancy) and I'm pleased with them!

Anyway, I am going to listen to some music and try to relax... today was a whirlwind day and I'm glad it's over!

LAW

1dp2dt: symptoms

I don't want to be "that person" who blogs every twinge or weird feeling. However, I do want to make sure I document everything since this is my first IVF cycle. So, with that in mind, please bear with me!

While the doctor said bed-rest was not necessary, he did say to "take it easy" and specifically  mentioned not to do any heavy lifting.  This proved to be a problem for me because I'm a law student and I have a rolling backpack that weighs more than I do. It's nice to have a roller. It's not nice when a good portion of NYC is not handicap accessible - particularly subways. So, I had to walk to school today. I am probably over-thinking this, but had I taken a cab, I'd have had to lob my bag into it somehow. The train station near work does not have an elevator, so I walked. It took me just about 35 minutes and I'm thinking it's something I should do more often. I usually take the subway, not out of laziness, but because it's faster than walking. I'm sure it wouldn't matter if I lifted my bag (which is super heavy, btw), but I'm not chancing it.

On to symptoms...
tender breasts - side effect of the progesterone
cramping - at the site of the retrieval - residual

So, nothing for now. It's still very early. Is it crazy that I'm calling Wednesday implantation day? Fingers crossed!

Some of you have sent me messages. I will respond to all of them tomorrow. I had a huge assignment due today and I want to make sure I give them all the attention they deserve!!! Thank you for reading!

The little embie that could...

So, as I mentioned this morning, the clinic did not call to tell me to come in. Since it's an hour away, I headed out at 10am, anyway. I got there a little early, with DH and my sis in tow. When the nurse called me in, I saw a wrist-band on the table. That was a good sign! It meant I was going to have a procedure done! Wooo hooo... There was this picture on the table - the same one from above.

The nurse said something along the lines of the embie looking great and being ready to do the procedure and that there was one woman ahead of me. I disrobed, put my things in my locker, then went to the waiting room and grinned like nobody's business. It was happening!

There was one other woman waiting there, who I came to know had traveled all the way from Madrid to have her procedure done. She was also transferring one embryo, but hers was a day 4 transfer. This was said entirely in Spanish because she spoke no English! She was very nice, though and we parted with mutual "buenas suertes"wishes.

The procedure was really quick (10 minutest tops). The doctor was really nice and explained everything, talking along the way. He said the procedure went well and wished me luck. When it was all over, I wanted to lie there for 3 days to make sure it stuck. In reality, I know that's not how it happens, but I just wanted to take every precaution imaginable.

I went to the recovery room where, even though I had just used the bathroom not more than 20 minutes before, I could not contain myself. I spent the entire time shaking my legs and was quite relieved when the nurse came in.

The nurse handed me my instruction sheet... nothing in the vaginal cavity, no bubble baths, no tampons, keep taking the progesterone and estradiol and come back on 3/8/13 for the blood test. She also gave me an HCG injection which she said they believe helps with implantation. Fingers crossed!

So, there you have it, folks! I have to go back next Friday! I am so honored to have made it this far. I really am. This is the day I was told would never happen just a short 13.5 months ago. It has really been a fantastic experience so far and I can't wait to share more of my journey.

LAW

On our way to get our embie...

Our procedure is at 11:45. The clinic told me yesterday that they would call me back this morning and they haven't. However, since I was already confirmed (twice) for 11:45, I am just going to go in.

I have been up since roughly 4:30/5. I have a ton of crap to do later today - namely finish up the final touches on my brief. I can't think of anything but this embie, though!

Fingers crossed that I'll have wonderful news later on today!!!

LAW

We have an embie!!!

That's not mine in the picture! Hahaha...

The lab called this morning to tell me that the egg fertilized (thank you for all the positive thoughts/vibes/etc.)

Transfer is tentatively scheduled for tomorrow morning at 11:45am.

This is happening, folks!

That's all I can write. I have to finish this legal brief!

LAW - love always wins!

Retrieved an egg today...

This morning, I woke up at 4am! Nerves? I'm not sure. We had an egg retrieval appointment at 8:00. Dh and I got there early and I tried to busy myself in the waiting area.

I went in for the sonogram, first, to make sure the follicle was still there. And it was - measuring a nice, plump 21mm! The doctor (a new woman I've never seen before) said my lining was good, which was comforting. I told her that if the egg fertilized, I want a fresh transfer for this cycle - not frozen.

Next was the procedure room. My instructions for retrieval day were to not wear anything with perfume - no lotion, deodorant, etc. I can survive a morning without deodorant, but I cannot survive a morning without lotion. When I changed into my hospital gown, it looked like I had fallen into a vat of flour. All for a good cause!

I felt more pain at this retrieval than I felt at the one almost exactly a year ago (2/28, I think??) But, they got the egg and Dh made his contribution, so we are just waiting. We should hear by tomorrow at 3pm whether it's viable or not. If it is viable, they will do the embryo transfer on Sunday morning at 11:45.

In the interim, I am taking progesterone suppositories 2x daily and estradiol (2mg per day).

I felt on top of the world after the procedure. I went to the mall and bought a ton of girly clothing. Since my hormones have been regulated, I've felt more like "dressing up" and accessorizing.

I'll follow up tomorrow to let you know the news from the doc!

Keep crossing those fingers!!!

Appointment results from yesterday

So, at my sonogram yesterday, there was a 15.5mm follie. I couldn't believe it! Last Friday, there were two - 4mm and 7mm, natch both on the left ovary. However, I didn't expect 15.5mm. The follie from last year did NOT grow that quickly. This is a good sign.

After my appointment, I got the following mail (truncated):

-----------------------------

Please confirm receipt of email

Hope this email finds you well. Dr. Yang reviewed your test result today and below is your medication instructions.

Blood test result:

Estradiol (E2):245

FSH:8

Luteinizing hormone (LH):11

Progesterone (P4): 0.3

As per MD, your hormone level shows that your LH is elevated. Elevated LH means that you are starting to surge on your own. Possible egg retrieval tomorrow IF the follicle is still there._ Please try to be here at 7am tomorrow for STAT blood and ultrasound.

No Nasal Spray tonight. 

-------------------------------

What a way to scare me!!! I leave the clinic talking about possibly triggering that night and get an email about coming in the very next day (today) for an egg retrieval. This train was moving at 200mph. 

So, DH and I went this morning, but the egg retrieval wasn't necessary. My LH was only 8 today - so no spike. However, my E2 levels were slightly lower - 240. Of course the crazy-lady in me hit the internet right away to see if that was a harbinger, but the sites I read seemed to think it was okay.

I am really hoping that it doesn't signify a decrease in egg quality. I asked the nurse what the E2 drop meant and she said it could mean that the egg is done maturing. 

So, I have to trigger with the nasal spray tonight. $80 nasal spray! $80 nasal spray that I had at home and DH threw away... I digress...

I have another appointment tomorrow morning and they will most likely schedule egg retrieval for Friday morning.

I haven't been to work all week because of school work, but it all works out for my appointments. It also helps that school is right around the corner from the clinic.

Please send vibes for a healthy egg retrieval, if you've got any vibes to spare!!!

If you surrender to the wind...

There is a quote by Toni Morrison that I have just been loving...

"If you surrender to the wind you can ride it" - Toni Morrison

sur·ren·der (s -r n d r). v. sur·ren·dered, sur·ren·der·ing, sur·ren·ders. v.tr. 1. To relinquish possession or control of to another because of demand or compulsion.

In my foolish youth, I saw surrender as such a dirty word! Nik doesn't surrender... she prevails... against the obstacles, against the odds.

However, I am a firm believer that you have everything within you, RIGHT NOW, to be everything you will ever need to be. 

It wasn't until I met DH that I realized there is some strength in surrender. There is some strength in having a bit of vulnerability. 

Life and love are a beautifully-orchestrated dance where sometimes it's just not your turn to lead...

If you surrender, the strength of something else can propel you. If you fight, you are not propelled as far AND you'll be worn out. 

Today I am surrendering. I am surrendering to the legal brief that desires completion. I am surrendering to the clinic making a last-minute decision to not retrieve my egg today, but wait until Friday. I am surrendering to the  desire to just take a minute for myself and to steal a couple of deep breaths and quiet time without feeling guilty.

I will ride it...

LAW

I've never met a wagon I didn't love...

And, just that quickly, I am back on the "TTC" wagon.

So, let me take a step back... and by back, I mean late December. With the year drawing to a close, I realized I still had roughly $1k in my medical spending account. My account, like many, is one of those "use it or lose it accounts". I could have let the money go to waste, but I decided to book whatever doctor appointments we would routinely have in the spring. I booked the dentist for the three of us, the optometrist and... there was still money left over... even after I bought a pair of glasses.

Well, if you'd ever paid attention to my other posts where I lamented about the cost of infertility treatments, you know that going back to the clinic was a quick way to spend some cash.

I went back, initially, to get more HRT/BCP... and, who am I kidding? I wanted to know what my FSH levels were since the night sweats were back in full force.

Naturally, they put me on the BCP right away. They wanted me to take two pills a day. I did and went for my weekly visits and at some point my FSH went down to 6 and they told me to stop. However, when I stopped, my FSH went back up to 25. So, they told me to go on, again... and something happened. I got the flu and couldn't make it in. However, I kept taking the BCP thinking that once I was over my bug, I would go in. Well, that stabilized my FSH. Once they took me off again, it didn't go back up.

Now, at that point, they were only doing bloodwork. There weren't any numbers to indicate that a follicle was growing, so they didn't give me a sonogram. FSH was stable enough (at a high 21, but stable nonetheless) but I wasn't growing a follie.

Then I got the dreaded mail. It went something like "if something doesn't happen soon, we're going to bring you in to discuss further treatment with the doctor". I was crushed! PLEASE... don't give up. Just wait a little bit and give a follie a chance to grow.

So, I went in on Valentine's day. How un-romantic. They normally draw my blood and tell me they'll email me later, but they told me to stay for a sonogram. A sonogram! And I saw it... right on the screen... two little follies. One measuring 7mm and one measuring 4mm. I'll take it!

I shared the news right away with DH and my sister. I spent the weekend trying not to do anything wrong... no coffee (although I did have wine) and just generally stayed under the radar.

Today I went back. There's a 15.5mm follie! The doctor said "this is like waiting for a bus... we have to make sure we catch it on time." I have also been instructed to carry my nasal spray with me because "you may have to trigger at any time".

If you are in the finger crossing business, please cross them... if meditation is your thing, please spare a thought... if you love candles, please light one... Whatever you do, please stand with us in solidarity to get this little follie to his/her rightful home...

Thanks for reading... and remember, LAW - love always wins...

So hard to say goodbye...

After my last post, I'd gone under the radar for a bit. Part of it was the end of the first semester of law school, which brought with it a ton of "to-do" items. The other part of it was being in super-aunt planning stealth mode! I was awaiting the arrival of my youngest sister's baby. The baby was due on 1/4/13 and I put in my bid for 12/21 so that baby and I could be birthday buddies.

On my birthday, my sister and I both took the day off and we were traipsing around the city. We had errands to run, but my sister was also feeling huge and heavy and wanted to "walk the baby out"! I even joked about giving my sister pitocin cookies to get things started.

Three days later, things were carrying on as normal. My sister had her annual Xmas eve party and baby was the center of all the jokes that imagined my sister in the hospital on Xmas day. My sister continued to insist that she thought the baby would come on the 4th of Jan.

On Xmas day, we awoke, went to my mom's house and opened gifts per the norm. My sister remarked that the baby, "Boo" as she was affectionately called, was active the night before. She felt a weird jolt and asked me to feel her stomach. When I felt her stomach, she felt a snapping sensation and rushed to the bathroom! "My water broke!" I couldn't believe my ears... the baby was coming on Xmas.

Excitement, anticipation, you name it and the air was thick with every emotion. My husband packed up the car and my sister and I went to grab a couple of last minute things from her house.

We phoned her husband and told him to make his way to the hospital PRONTO - he was off visiting family in a different part of the city.

The next hour is a blur... we checked in... the nurses told me I had to wait in the waiting room while they checked my sister (sure, pretty typical... no worries)... I waited and made small talk with the other visitors... then the nurse came and got me...

"Well, you can go ahead and sit with your sister. We were trying to find the baby's heartbeat and we couldn't, so the doctor is going to come in and check..."

Crafty baby! Turn around... stop hiding! It's Xmas... come and get your birthday song!

As I walked into the makeshift tent, I tried to forget what the nurse had just said. INCREDIBLE... I don't believe you! Get a doctor in here... he's going to find the baby's heartbeat.

Then the doctor came....

And I saw...

right on the screen... I saw a little spine... and I saw a heart... and I believe I saw chambers, but don't quote me... and it was still... quiet... peaceful.

And I squeezed my sisters hand. And the nurse started crying... she looked to my sister and I. And we looked at each other in disbelief. We came to have a baby! Where is our baby!!!??? What's next?

On December 26, 2012 at 11:52am, my sister delivered the most beautiful baby girl I have ever laid eyes on. Boo! She had the warmest, sweetest-smelling skin... and her lips were RUBY RED! Xmas baby with red lips. I never knew a heart-break like the one I knew that day.

My sister.... strongest woman on earth, in my estimation. In the midst of the curve-ball life had thrown at her, she turned to me and said... "go ahead... pick her up!"

Thank you for sharing your baby with me! I was so honored. She could have taken all of those moments to herself since she knew exactly how finite they were... but she shared Boo with me. And for that, I am eternally grateful.

The most beautiful little soul... she embodied everything that is perfect in this world. She brought to mind a Roberta Flack song....

The first time ever I saw your face I thought the sun rose in your eyes And the moon and stars were the gifts you gave To the dark and the empty skies, my love  

To the dark and the empty skies

 *Missing Boo more and more every day... born sleeping on 12/26/2012*