1 year, 1 month, 1 week and 1 day

That's what my TTC ticker says today. It's obviously a lie. We are no longer TTC. However, it's pretty sobering to see that we started this journey over a year and a month and a week ago. Very sobering. Last year, I thought I'd be the mom of 3 month old twins or triplets by now. Well, my OB/GYN gave me clomid and said "take this and go have sex". He had no idea about the POF - because he never ran any tests - but I looked up the clomid and said "holy  moo, I'm going to have twins with this thing."
I thought about the stroller I would use. I thought about what I would name them if they were both girls... or if one was a boy and the other was a girl. I thought about how we would have to move the bookshelves out of our third bedroom to make it a nursery. Then, I thought, well, maybe DH and I could take the smaller bedroom and give the twins the master bedroom. I knew where each crib would go and where our two gliders would be... and, yes, we needed two so DH could rock one to bed and I could, too. And I thought about how cheesy our xmas card would look and how I wouldn't waste this maternity leave away like I did when I had dd. I thought about how I would still attempt to exclusively breast feed the babies for 6 months, just like I did with dd and how I would take them to gymboree classes.
If any part of my plan were to get sidetracked, I only anticipated that it would be the timing of it all... what if I didn't have the babies in July, but August or September, instead? However, I never thought I would be an evening law student with an 8 year old an no babies. I never thought I would have warm legs every night due to hot flashes and grief/anger/denial about it all.
No, not one year into it... not one year and one week into it... and certainly not one year, one month, one week and one day...

:(

That is all... that's how I'm feeling. ABOUT EVERYTHING!
And while I'm quite cognizant that I've got absolutely nothing to pout about... I mean, there is some person in some remote part of the world who doesn't have running water/heat/food or something else he or she needs. I don't NEED anything.
I am still feeling *blah*, though.
I feel like no one understands what I'm going through. Bless their hearts for trying, but they don't REALLY "get" it... they just love me and say they get it so I won't feel alone. But knowing they REALLY don't get it is the loneliest thing ever.
:(
The hot flashes are back. The irritability is back. The feelings of despair are back.
Not to mention, EVERY.SINGLE.PERSON in the world has taken an interest in my uterus. Being in law school hasn't bought me an out, either.
"Why don't you guys have a baby now? You can do it!"
I'm sure they  mean well. Sometimes, I want to scream:
BECAUSE I CAN'T, okay!!! I JUST CAN'T!
But that won't help things any... so, instead, I make up some crummy joke about 1 being enough and not having time with law school and all. And then I come home and feel horrible because I have no eggs!
*sigh*