BFN!

So, for those of you not down with the TTC (trying to conceive) lingo, BFP means big fat positive... you can deduce what BFN means.

Let me start by saying, I knew in the back of my head that there was no way I was pregnant. However, a few things happened and got me started... my aunt dreamt fish (I know it's superstitious, but hey...), my boobs got tender and full again and I started cramping, I was nauseous for the better part of the week and my mid-section feels full. Now, I knew with about 99.999% certainty that it was not a pregnancy, but most likely my body just being its silly old self.

Against my better judgment, I bought a pregnancy test  four pregnancy tests. They were on sale. Buy two, get two half off. I'm not sure what I need with more tests than I have eggs, but I love a bargain. After my husband picked me up from school, I asked him to take me to the pharmacy. My daughter asked if she could come in with me, but I didn't need her all up in my business, so I told her I would get her a surprise if she stayed in the car. I was in and out of the store in less than 5 minutes, with a huge ball in hand to distract her.

My husband knew right away. He said "you bought a test, didn't you". In my entire relationship with this man, I have probably only bought 2 pregnancy tests, so I'm not sure how he guessed it right away. I 'fessed up and told him that before I start school I want to be absolutely certain and then told him of my symptoms.

With that, he dropped me at home and I took the test.

I knew. I knew it was a no. And I told him this much because he was jittery and hopeful and I didn't want him to think we had a chance. And, in the end, after two minutes, I had one line... one LONELY line. I held the test at several different angles and it was still one line. I left it for an extra minute and tried to pretend I needed to dust the shelf in the bathroom... but still... one... line.

I'm not sure why I did it to myself. And now I've got 3 more tests taunting me that I know I will probably never have any use for.

So, I guess that is my sign. I am meant to start law school. There is no turning back, now. A part of me still feels like I am supposed to be a mom again, but I guess it's just not meant to be...