6dp2dt: Holy cramps, batman!!!

So, I skipped a post yesterday. I did it for a few reasons:
1) I'm the only person who reads my blog
2) The symptoms were pretty much the same and all caused by the progesterone and estradiol

When I got home, at a little after 7, I was wiped out! Seriously... felt like I couldn't move a limb if my life depended on it. DH was folding laundry and I was starving. I asked him if he would go to panera and get my fav and in exchange, I would finish folding the laundry. Bless wonderful husbands. He did it! Not more than 20 minutes after eating, I was completely knocked out - onion breath and all.

DH said he knew I was tired because I didn't do my hair before bed and that has only happened about 2x in my adult life!

I woke up this morning with pretty bad cramps. If today were an ordinary Saturday, I'd just stay in bed and read for next week, but I have oral arguments today. To top it off, there's usually a team of 2 doing the arguments and I decided to do it on my own, so I have to present both sides. This'll be fun. On a better note, the two guys I'm arguing "against" are two of the sweetest guys in the program and have been very collaborative and not at all treating me like the enemy. I cannot wait for 3pm today.

On to symptoms. First, I'll say that I POAS (peed on a stick/took a pregnancy test) for those of you not familiar with the lingo. I know I wouldn't be able to detect any HCG yet, so I was comfortable witht he BFN I inevitably got. I just didn't know how long it would have taken for the HCG trigger to be out of my system, so I wanted to test to see if it was. Anyway, 6 more days til my beta. I.can't.wait!

Symptoms:
medium-severe cramps: I used to be on naproxen for my cramps when I was a teen. I know bad cramps when I see them - progesterone?
heavy boobs, though remarkably not as heavy as mid-week - estradiol/progesterone
still weeing like a race horse - I might have to wear pull-ups for oral arguments! LOL

That's all, folks! Wish me luck with OA. When it's over, I'm going to do a backflip in my head!

BFN!

So, for those of you not down with the TTC (trying to conceive) lingo, BFP means big fat positive... you can deduce what BFN means.

Let me start by saying, I knew in the back of my head that there was no way I was pregnant. However, a few things happened and got me started... my aunt dreamt fish (I know it's superstitious, but hey...), my boobs got tender and full again and I started cramping, I was nauseous for the better part of the week and my mid-section feels full. Now, I knew with about 99.999% certainty that it was not a pregnancy, but most likely my body just being its silly old self.

Against my better judgment, I bought a pregnancy test  four pregnancy tests. They were on sale. Buy two, get two half off. I'm not sure what I need with more tests than I have eggs, but I love a bargain. After my husband picked me up from school, I asked him to take me to the pharmacy. My daughter asked if she could come in with me, but I didn't need her all up in my business, so I told her I would get her a surprise if she stayed in the car. I was in and out of the store in less than 5 minutes, with a huge ball in hand to distract her.

My husband knew right away. He said "you bought a test, didn't you". In my entire relationship with this man, I have probably only bought 2 pregnancy tests, so I'm not sure how he guessed it right away. I 'fessed up and told him that before I start school I want to be absolutely certain and then told him of my symptoms.

With that, he dropped me at home and I took the test.

I knew. I knew it was a no. And I told him this much because he was jittery and hopeful and I didn't want him to think we had a chance. And, in the end, after two minutes, I had one line... one LONELY line. I held the test at several different angles and it was still one line. I left it for an extra minute and tried to pretend I needed to dust the shelf in the bathroom... but still... one... line.

I'm not sure why I did it to myself. And now I've got 3 more tests taunting me that I know I will probably never have any use for.

So, I guess that is my sign. I am meant to start law school. There is no turning back, now. A part of me still feels like I am supposed to be a mom again, but I guess it's just not meant to be...